I'm going to try something a bit
different today. I have absolutely no idea what I'll write about for
this post. I see it's been a month since my last post, so I figure
it's high time.
Who is the target audience for this
blog? My family, my friends, and my future self. What would I tell
those people? December 13, 2012. Almost the end of time. I'm 29 years
old. Levi is four and Noelle is ten months. I've been at my job for
seven years. It's in the game. I've come a long way at work, but
there is still much more to learn. I think the most important thing
I've learned so far is the only thing to fear is stress. Work hard,
work smart, and refuse to worry. This is all you have to do, and all you
can do.
I was thinking on the way home from
work today that there is always more I could do. I could be a much
better employee. I thought, don't I feel guilty for
leaving work left undone? Guilty!? I answer myself, I'll tell you
what I feel guilty about: not being with my baby and my four year
old son.
The one mysterious and vital variable
in this equation is time. Yes, I'll do my very best at work, but how
much time? I could always do better by working more. Spooky. Spooky I
tell you. I wonder if I'll get to the point where my desire to avoid
too many hours will prevent me from further career progression. What
if I'm much closer to that point than I realize? What would I do
instead? You see... I have this desire to achieve things, to
accomplish things. I don't think it really matters what. It just
needs to be difficult. Something I can be proud of. Often, usually on
Sunday or vacation, I sit around and think about what I want to
accomplish. Oh what I could! It only takes time and energy, but I
find often my desire to achieve ends up being less than cost of
commitment, and I begin to believe the only way to achieve something
truly difficult is to work towards it even when you don't feel like it.
Something I call force. Why force personal projects? It's not clear
if the end goal is worth the sacrifice.
All that being said, I have to carry a
heavy burden that most everyone else has to carry as well: I have to
make a living. This means work. This means you have to do it even
when you don't feel like it. What if... I channel that force into
achieving something difficult? BAM! Two for one! This leads me to
something I often have to remind myself on those rainy Sunday
afternoons: I accomplish at work.
I've often thought that working late
every night is taking the easy way out. I want to achieve difficult
things. It's much more difficult to be successful at a demanding job
while still leaving time for other things in your life. So I reckon
I'll try.
I guess all that work stuff was on my
mind, lurking below the conscious line. Behold! I shine the spotlight
of reason upon thee! Feel better? Yeah, I think so. I mean I felt
fine.
I'm going to watch Alias with Leah now.
