Freestyle

I'm going to try something a bit different today. I have absolutely no idea what I'll write about for this post. I see it's been a month since my last post, so I figure it's high time.

Who is the target audience for this blog? My family, my friends, and my future self. What would I tell those people? December 13, 2012. Almost the end of time. I'm 29 years old. Levi is four and Noelle is ten months. I've been at my job for seven years. It's in the game. I've come a long way at work, but there is still much more to learn. I think the most important thing I've learned so far is the only thing to fear is stress. Work hard, work smart, and refuse to worry. This is all you have to do, and all you can do.

I was thinking on the way home from work today that there is always more I could do. I could be a much better employee. I thought, don't I feel guilty for leaving work left undone? Guilty!? I answer myself, I'll tell you what I feel guilty about: not being with my baby and my four year old son.

The one mysterious and vital variable in this equation is time. Yes, I'll do my very best at work, but how much time? I could always do better by working more. Spooky. Spooky I tell you. I wonder if I'll get to the point where my desire to avoid too many hours will prevent me from further career progression. What if I'm much closer to that point than I realize? What would I do instead? You see... I have this desire to achieve things, to accomplish things. I don't think it really matters what. It just needs to be difficult. Something I can be proud of. Often, usually on Sunday or vacation, I sit around and think about what I want to accomplish. Oh what I could! It only takes time and energy, but I find often my desire to achieve ends up being less than cost of commitment, and I begin to believe the only way to achieve something truly difficult is to work towards it even when you don't feel like it. Something I call force. Why force personal projects? It's not clear if the end goal is worth the sacrifice.

All that being said, I have to carry a heavy burden that most everyone else has to carry as well: I have to make a living. This means work. This means you have to do it even when you don't feel like it. What if... I channel that force into achieving something difficult? BAM! Two for one! This leads me to something I often have to remind myself on those rainy Sunday afternoons: I accomplish at work.

I've often thought that working late every night is taking the easy way out. I want to achieve difficult things. It's much more difficult to be successful at a demanding job while still leaving time for other things in your life. So I reckon I'll try.

I guess all that work stuff was on my mind, lurking below the conscious line. Behold! I shine the spotlight of reason upon thee! Feel better? Yeah, I think so. I mean I felt fine.

I'm going to watch Alias with Leah now.