Cujo and Wolf

I woke up to "Get up. The neighbor's dog is in our backyard."

Sure enough, there he was, prowling around like he owned the place. He was huge, and he'd come right up to our porch window, stare us down, and let loose a deep, beastly bark. Normally, I guess, that wouldn't be too big of a deal except we have a fence between our yard and the neighbor's. What did he do? Dig under it? Jump over it? No. He busted through it. There was a gaping hole punched through the old wood.

I figured I'd just go next door, explain the situation, and let the neighbor deal with it. Ding dong. No answer. Knock, knock, knock. Nothing. I came back and said nobody's home. Levi said "Oh well. I guess you can't go to work", but I explained that you have to go to work even when there is a strange dog in your backyard. I convinced Leah that I'd deal with it when I got home and I left.

About noon I got a call from Leah. I was in a meeting (or eating tacos?) so I didn't answer. I thought I'd just call her right back, but I forgot. Not an hour later she called again and I answered. "Hey. I'm at the Home Depot. What kind of wood should I get to fix this?" I say, "You don't want to just let the neighbor deal with it?" She says, "No. I had friends over today and we were trying to play in the Florida room but they kept barking at us." Apparently there were two dogs now. "And, to make it worse I really need to water my flowers or they're gonna die, but I'm not going out there. I think the neighbors are at the hospital having a baby or something." I say, "Uhhh. Ok". She made it clear that I would fix the fence when I got home from work.

On the way home, I mentally prepared for the showdown. Odds are, I'm just going to walk over to the hole in the fence, screw on the board that'll be that. But what if they're on my side of the fence when I get there? What if they hear me open the door and rush over to check it out? Maybe I should open the door as quietly as possible and hurry over to the hole so I can plug it up before they come out. Maybe they'll see me and advance, but I'll just charge the hole with my plywood up as shield, then I could apply my body weight to hold the beasts back. But... what if my cheap battery powered screwdriver isn't strong enough to screw into the wood... I'd better carry a hammer and some nails for backup. Yeah... wood shield and a war hammer.

Then I thought of another problem. My plywood was strong but the fence was weak. I could plug the hole but they'd just bust through the fence again. Then, I'd be caught off guard and I'd be in trouble. I always figured if I ever got attacked by a dog I'd try to get the animal to bite down on my forearm to protect my face and jugular... of course if there were two of them then I might have one on each arm... I'd have to drag them back towards the house and try to punch them off. I'd signal for the family to fall back into the kitchen in case the monsters got into the Florida room. A little trip to the emergency room and I'd be fine. Just have to keep them off my vitals.

OK. Enough planning. I'm home. Let's do this.

Turns out, the neighbor was home, he fixed the fence already, and the dogs were in their backyard rolling around and playing fetch with his kids. I checked out the repair job, said hello, and congratulated him on his new baby. The dogs came over wagging their tails and sniffed my hands. I played it cool, like it was no big deal, but I was thinking you beasts better be glad we didn't have to battle.